The Dirty Truth About Affairs | Relationships

By MarshallDuke
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An unfaithful spouse. What a terrifying thought. When one thinks of a unfaithful spouse, one usually thinks of a soap-opera or of an unfortunate neighbor - rarely do we consider that a cheating spouse is in our own home. That is, until one day you fear you are married to a cheater.

At the start, the realization of an affair is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your now heightened awareness. Perhaps he/she has received one too many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse is exhibiting signs on unexplained joy and it catches your attention. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the exact moment when infidelity became a very real reality in their life.

No two cheating spouses are the same, but most unfaithful spouses have some dirty things in common. These same characteristics are also the key to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.

Cheating spouses actually don't like to lie to you - that is, they struggle with the dishonesty in the beginning. Over time, the guilt subsides, and lying to you becomes a necessary evil and a matter of survival. If your spouse is suddenly acting guilty around you, realize you may have caught him/her at the start of an affair.

Unfaithful spouses are the some of the most stressed-out human beings you may ever come into contact with. The stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, most unfaithful spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so it will all just stop.

Cheating spouses rely on today's technology to keep the affair alive and in tact. Things like email and cell phone make affairs much easier to maintain - and also make affairs much easier to have in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking the email and cell phone accounts. Any strange email address or cell phone number should be investigated for your peace of mind.

Not all cheating spouses are degenerate scum-bags. Affairs happen to good people. Yes, affairs can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a "degenerate" due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most cheating spouses living a lie.

If infidelity is confirmed in your relationship, there are things you must keep in mind. The next steps, actions and decisions are about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not waste your precious energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just experienced a very traumatic experience event that is centered around trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.

Unfaithful spouses rely on the self-doubt betrayed spouses bring into their minds. The desire to trust your spouse is far more powerful than your desire to find out your spouse is not trust-worthy. When cheating is confirmed, the first victim to be healed is the betrayed spouse - You. Take every bit of time you need for yourself and try to heal yourself before you begin any other major changes in your life. A worthy spouse will wait.

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