Moving On and Finding a Partner After Divorce | Divorce

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Of course, moving on after divorce is easier said than done, and though it looks great on the silver screen, gorgeous men or women, who are also equipped with a heart of gold will not turn up in your life just like that unless someone scripts it specially for you. One can leave it all to fate and sulk away for the rest of a lifetime, or one can stay prepared because you never know when that special someone is going to mess around with your emotions.

Common Problems of Divorcees

Let us first look at some of the common problems divorcees have in getting back to the social circle again.

Time Lapse and the ‘Block’ that Comes in: There are many people who have been stuck in a dead marriage for so long that they have developed a ‘block’ against all relationships and hate commitments of any kind. This time may not have anything to do with the number of years that have passed. It is the feeling of everything being so very long ago in another lifetime before the marriage. Besides, marital commitments still bind us by some ghostly means even when they are not there any longer. This unseen wall has to be broken down first.

Guilty Feelings: Once you are divorced, the marriage is officially wholly nullified. But why is it that most divorcees are plagued with guilt whenever a new relation appears on the horizon? It is also interesting to note that men suffer more from this than women, but women have a greater block than men. No one is policing you; you are no more bound to anyone, so drop the guilt.

Shyness Again: Shyness is a strange thing that is designed to make the soles of our feet start sweating at the wrong times. Many divorced men and women, some with school-going kids, will start blushing like teenagers or fumbling over the words on a date as they begin chapter two. This is a psychological aspect and you need not worry too much about it. We become so used to the closeness of only one human being after marriage that the new situation will obviously make us a bit uncomfortable to begin with.

No Physical Intimacy Again: Physical relationships can be fun, beautiful and very satisfying even on a spiritual level. But how many of us are able to achieve such perfect harmony of body, mind and soul? It is a rare moment of ecstasy and not too easily achieved again with another human being. But shying away from it entirely is as bad as going on a binge dating where one night stands take up the place of true commitment. Among divorcees, women in the forty plus bracket and economically well-settled seem to have a great deal of physical block in dating again.

Monetary Insecurities: Divorces don’t just hurt, they also cost. Setting up a family again would mean even more cost. We are all financially a bit shaky after divorce, even if we win alimony. It is not easy to earn money in this country and it can’t be blown on exciting new affairs. Besides, there are the children and money needs to be saved for the future as well.

Children of the Wedlock: It is not exactly romantic if your small children want to come along on the date with you, and insist on going to the park or having an ice cream when you two are just beginning to feel romantic again. Children are a greater problem for women than men, and this is proved by the fact that over 90% of the UK’s single parents are lone mothers who are mostly divorcees.

Tips to Start With

By now, you can see what the usual lot of problems is when you start again after divorce. In case you wonder how you will kick off the process of finding a partner again, the internet is there to help you. It’s fairly choking with divorce clubs and dating agencies and directories of fellow divorcees. A word of advice though – do not jump into a relation again. It would be better to first develop a strong friendship and then start making the moves. Do not be in a hurry, don’t take the children out all the time with you, and don’t keep talking of your former partner. Most importantly – be yourself – because it can’t get any worse.

About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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