How To Build Self Confidence Around Women | Dating

By infomktjv
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We have all heard the self-help notions revolving around 'see it, believe it, and achieve it.' For most of us, we can get ourselves motivated for a little while but it doesn't take long to fall right back into the realm of normal, every day, low self image us. We saw it, we wanted it, we tried to believe it, and then we failed and came home with our tail tucked between our legs and stayed stick in that mind frame for quite awhile.

Self image and self belief doesn't happen overnight. It can, but not for most of us. Most of us struggle with who we believe we are and how we seem to the world. Most of us feel unknown in the world, which allows us to believe we are alone. No matter where you stand on the relationship scale (one night stands to a permanent, long term commitment) the key to success is finding that better sense of self through 'believe and achieve.'

Didn't we just discuss that this wasn't the ultimate method of self improvement? We did. Sometimes a little self contradictory is necessary to get to the bottom line. The problem with listening speeches and going home is that you lose it when it doesn't work. In order for changes within you to really work, you have to believe in them even when you are not cooperating with your belief. How often have you heard some amazingly simple but perfectly sensible self improvement tip that would help your relationship but then decided to drop it soon after because it didn't work out like you had planned? It happens all the time.

This happens because we don't really believe in the tip or the system or the self improvement CD package we just dropped $500 on. When we really believe in something (like say, oh, ourselves?) then we can remember that change takes a little time and practice. It's not that the 'Belief crap isn't working, so why bother'? It's more along the lines of, 'I am not cooperating with my beliefs, so knock it off.'

This concept is not one that many people can embrace, especially when they are simply looking at improving their relationship or getting a relationship, or just getting laid. What makes it hard is that we have a hard time accepting the reactions of others when they don't fall in line with out expectations. Self belief once again can save us a lot of frustration. When we really hold onto our self belief, we don't allow a woman we met five minutes ago to take it away from us, nor do we allow a woman we have known for ten years to take it away from us. Critical judgment, cruel commentary, and basic uncaring blow offs are a reflection of her, not you.

Women know that men are often willing to jump through hoops of fire that they set up in order to get what they want. It doesn't have to be that way. Women also tend to respond to us in the way that we teach them to treat us. Thus, if we run around and respond to all their hoops, we are telling them that it is okay and we will allow this to happen. If we simply respond with an open heart but strong principles of self respect, they stop. Women tell me all that time that a good man is hard to find. They also tell me that a good man is one who treats them well while still treating themselves well. Not an easy place to end up unless you have self belief.

Being a man means so much in our society that the rules are more complicated and frustrating these days than ever before. You have the entire range of metro sexual right up to the good ol' boys of redneck ville. Each man that can be classified between those two has a different definition of being a man. What really matters is not society's vision of what a man looks like but what a man looks like to you. When you believe in yourself you also get to create who you really are, live comfortably in your skin, and be happy with your decisions.

Developing self belief around women isn't an easy task to fulfill, but certainly one worth going after. If you get there, you will become so liberated that the likelihood of attracting women becomes the norm. Women like men who know who they are and aren't afraid to be themselves no matter what the circumstances are. In so many ways, men change to adapt to their surroundings. It just doesn't have to be that way. You can be strong, uncomplicated, and real and feel good about it even when others are expecting you to change.

Of course, you have to practice. Practice forgiving yourself for mistakes. Practice learning from your mistakes. Practice not allowing a woman's comment to derail you and practice being cool with her ignorance. Practice knowing who you are. Men aren't encouraged to journal, or to listen to self help CDs or to meditate without being hammered by others. What you do to make yourself a better man is nobody's business. Thus, if you feel as though you might benefit from taking a few steps toward self improvement, I would tell you to go for it. Being a better person isn't just for women. It's for everyone who wants to grow. And growth is really the core of self belief.

When you find something you believe in to help you grow, you can start to make the changes necessary to start believing in your power of choice. Responding to women in a manner that maintains your self respect doesn't have to be abusive, you are just filling in your own boundaries and any woman is free to choose whether she can accept those or not. Appreciating yourself and appreciating a woman can go hand in hand. Finding ways to grow stronger is vital to finding the woman you can really appreciate.

About the Author

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