Chicago Family Lawyer: Divorce & Shaming | Family Law

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We've all heard the stories. Divorcing couples acting out. Embarassing each other. Why oh why do they do this?

Generally the reason is simply stress. When we are under stress we resort to child like behavior. Take the example recent example of the "YouTube" divorce where Ms. Smith, the wife of a successful businessman, publicly aired embarassing information about her husband.

Most people do not air their problems on YouTube in a bitter divorce. However, emails to friends and family (sometimes even bosses) explaining why one’s spouse is a horrible person are common (at least in Chicago).

If you find yourself tempted to embarass your spouse in public, remember that what people will judge you much more harshly than they will your spouse. If you tell your friend that your husband is a “lowlife philanderer” your friend understands the context in which you are saying this. Also your friend has known you throughout many years and will know that this is not your typical behavior. However, if you send out a mass email shaming your husband, whoever reads it will not have the proper context in which to analyze your statement.

That is why it is so important for people to have someone to talk to when they are going through a difficult divorce. Sometimes we need to vent. That’s what family, friends and counselors are for. If people don’t have a support network, they might vent in socially inappropriate ways that they will later regret.

It is possible that Ms. Smith, who is from the UK, would not have acted so shamefully if she'd been around her family or if she had close childhood friends to confide in. Maybe she had friends before but has alienated them with her bitterness. Regardless, she should have sought the help of a counselor instead of seeking pity from internet strangers.

Either way, the major harm this woman did was to herself.
Conclusion: Never, ever lash out at your spouse in a way you can’t take back.

About the Author

The author of this post is a Chicago Divorce Lawyer. Whe works in divorces as well as family law.

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